Smutty Scenes and Losing Things
What’s more fun than an unexpected period a week after your last one? Spending nearly £4 (because everyone knows you round up to the next whole number up after .5) ‘treating’ yourself to some chemical free pads only to find the bastard things have vanished like wrinkly ninjas when you get home. Found them hiding under the bed. It’s ok though, not like I was hot and bothered in the first place without frantically searching, thanks flo! (pun intended). Not the first thing I’ve lost recently, I lost a pile of clean sheets a few days ago, I was convinced the house had eaten them or we’d left them at the laundrette (that we haven’t been to in MONTHS) then yesterday I moved my skirt from my chairdrobe and there they were (not even hidden) right in front of my face.
Second borns birthday coming up, kept asking me if my Needoh fidget was fake which I thought was bizarre. Like why would it be fake? I bought it like a year ago and it literally says Needoh on it, why do you think I’m tricking you? What could I possibly gain from having a knock off fidget on my desk?? Turns out the stupid fucking things that I’ve been seeing everywhere for YEARS are suddenly ‘viral’ and no one can get hold of them. I just hate people sometimes, what’s with this incessent need to have something because someone on the internet has it and it went viral. EW, DAVID! I’m treating the word viral as it was originally intended thus coming to the conclusion that if something has gone viral that means it’s spread and it’s bad so no thank you sir! Can you guess what second born has on their birthday list?! Goodbye to my Needoh fidget.
My bestie bought me a certain popular book because they’re super thoughtful and wanted to share their love of reading. I still haven’t finished it! I’m a slow reader and it’s fantasy which I find difficult to read anyway, not including hunger games of course which I couldn’t put down – probably because it’s aimed at young adults which incidentally was the section of the book shop Husband Face bought one of my Christmas presents from because I’m a grown up, ha! Spent some of last night reading the smutty scenes on Reddit to see what all the fuss was about. I mean it seems like the author (who shall not be named – no, not Voldemort) was like ‘if I just describe sex in great detail they’ll go crazy for it’ and they have! The Reddit comments section was a hilarious mix of how do I skip these scenes it’s too much and what does that even mean?! I was the same with 50 shades of grey, never read it, picked it up and skipped to the sex scenes and was like IS THAT IT?! Everyone went crazy for that too, I just don’t get it. And some of the lines…what exactly is a ‘male smile’? I mean kudos to all these authors; they’ve written books AND had them published but am I missing something? You know what they say though, sex sells!
Alas, nonsense.